Epic Flake

by YDLM

Hi, this is Congressman Jeff Flake of the great state of Arizona, proudly announcing my endorsement of the candidacy of Gov. Mitt Romney for President of the United States.

  • As a fiscal hawk like Mitt, I believe that our crucial Minimum Wage requirements must be periodically raised “to keep pace with inflation.”
  • As a committed pragmatist like Mitt, I “like” healthcare mandates. I believe they “work.”
  • As conservationist like Mitt, I believe “carbon emission limits will provide immediate and real progress.”
  • As a man of faith like Mitt, I have vowed to “respect and protect a woman’s right to choose,” and believe since “Roe vs. Wade has been the law for 20 years…we should sustain and support it.”
  • As a far-sighted problem solver like Mitt, “I’m not in favor of privatizing Social Security or making cuts.”
  • As a student of economics like Mitt was in No Apologies, I predicted the “stimulus that passed in 2009 [would] accelerate the timing of the start of the recovery.”
  • As a man of the little-guy like Mitt, I believe that the removal of taxes on investment, concurrent with the imposition of a Flat-Tax (the Forbes plan), constitutes “a tax cut for fat cats.”
  • As a traditionalist like Mitt, I believe “we must make equality for gays and lesbians a mainstream concern.”
  • As frontiersman like Mitt, I believe “tough gun laws…protect us and provide for our safety.”
  • Like Mitt, “I am not the most conservative candidate.”
  • And finally, as literato like Mitt, I thought “Battlefield Earth…was a very fun science fiction book.”

Thanks for your attention. God bless the United States of America.

h/t

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